Yo dont text me then not text me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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