Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
