A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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