I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
