i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
