just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
