I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
