apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize