She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
