ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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