they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
