Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
