Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
