I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
