somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
