I think I died a long time ago.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
