My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
