her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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