cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
