so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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