the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
