I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
