I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
