cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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