you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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