it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize