My nipple is on Facebook.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
