omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
