To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
