Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
