I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
