Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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