Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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