If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
