Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
