he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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