Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
