all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
