Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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