Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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