I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
