when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
