At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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