I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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