i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
