Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
