wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
