guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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