I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
