happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
