I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
