Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm both gender and math confused
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
