I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
