he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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