Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
