Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
