Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
