Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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