I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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