Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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