I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
