I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
