when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
