so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
