I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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