I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
